Dear former lover, I still love you.

By: your closeted friend

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Dear former lover, I still love you. It has been almost a year since I left you, and It still hurts. It hurts that I did not try harder, and it hurts that when you told me you would wait for me, I knew I could not ask you to do that. Do not get me wrong: I would do what I did over and over again so you would not be the one with the broken heart. I am just mad at the universe because it let me taste the perfect life that I will never have by your side. I am mad because you can have that life with whomever you want, and I am the one still stuck in the past.

I will never forget our first kiss. Even though I knew you liked me as much as I did, I was so scared and intimidated by such a pretty face like yours. It was almost 8 pm, we both had to go, but I was not going to leave that place without tasting your lips, and I certainly did not. I remember the butterflies in my stomach and my unstopping smile. I kissed you, and that will always be one of the best calls I have ever made.

Everything felt like a fairytale until reality hit me with a rock. How was I supposed to be in a relationship without my parents finding out? We struggled for almost five months, meeting in secret and hiding our love. By that time, I was ready to tell you that I loved you, because that feeling that warmed my heart every time I even thought about you, couldn’t be just attraction. I wanted you to know how I felt about us, and how happy it made me being with you; but before I could do anything, we got into a fight that made me realize what I was doing to you. You did not deserve to be anybody's secret, and even though you were happy, I knew that it was not going to work if I didn't act like I had to.

I broke up with you, but by doing that, I broke my own heart. The hardest part is that I never stopped loving you. You taught me how love felt like, and you showed me that there was a chance I could be happy being who I am. Now every time I see you smiling, every time I talk to you, I want to do something, but I can't because the circumstances haven't changed. I know we are friends now, and I love that we are, but my feelings for you will always be there, buried deep inside of my heart, and in a perfect world, yours too.

I hope that one day when I am finally free, we meet again, and you give me a chance to prove to you that we can be happy once more.

Love, your closeted friend.